she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
