Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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