Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
