Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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