My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That accounts for only three of the penises
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
