I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is wine microwaveable?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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