Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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