We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
