that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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