Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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