jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize