he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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