We won't sleep together?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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