who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
