My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
