I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think my vagina is haunted
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
