If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
