it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
