i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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