We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
