so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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