She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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