He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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