Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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