Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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