So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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