so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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