Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
