is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
