yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
