this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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