My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
