I didn't shave. On purpose
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
