By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
