i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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