So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
