Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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