My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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