So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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