what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
