I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
