Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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