I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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