I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
