I think scott just propositioned me for sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
