Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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