Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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