im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
