great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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