I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize