She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
