i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
