You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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