Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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