Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
