a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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