In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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