you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
