i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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