We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
