i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
