If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
